welcome to dumb rich

a safe space to learn (and also gossip) about money

Hi, readers! Welcome to dumb rich! My name is Ariel and this is your new favorite Substack about — well, money! Oh and, officially (hi, mom and dad!) — here goes nothing!

After years of being my friends’ and family’s go-to guru on finances, I decided to put my money where my mouth is (pun intended). From being a celebrity CPA (yes, that’s a thing) for entertainers and athletes, to transitioning to my own consulting gig where I advise business owners, high-net-worth individuals, and even influencers, I’m constantly talking to everyone about money: how to manage it, how to spend it, how to save it, and everything in between.

I have a parasocial relationship with my clients and friends where I know how much money they make, what they spend it on, whose sugar daddy paid for their trip to Mykonos, etc. My clients trust me, and being honest about their money situations (and situationships) helps them to better understand their finances. They often find being more transparent and aware is a relief. There’s something to be said about discussing our financial woes, missteps, successes, and so on. There are lessons to be learned, examples to be set, and conversations to be had.

How I sleep at night knowing all of my clients and friends are making sound financial decisions (or doing their best)…

I haven’t found a corner of the internet for conversations surrounding finances for the “it” girls (and maybe a few guys). The girls standing in line at The Row sample sale, deciding whether to pay their rent on time or buy last season’s bare sandals. The girls who want to invest but don’t understand: will a Birkin be worth more than the S&P 500 in five years? What even is the S&P 500?! We aren’t being financially educated through terms that relate to us, or ones that we can even process and understand. And this is not to discredit how intelligent, hardworking, and savvy we are. But some lessons we need via storytelling.

Also, no one is talking about the really important stuff—like how the fuck is everyone affording a Euro summer??? Is my daily sweet treat really what’s preventing me from saving for a down payment? Is it acceptable to use all of my bonus to buy a Khaite bag because “cost per wear”?

So… what will you find useful here?

1. How to actually use QuickBooks, understand tax write-offs, and charge proper rates as a small business owner, creative, independent contractor, etc.

2. Getting ready to start a business—what is an LLC? Do I need insurance? What can I do myself vs. outsource?

3. As tax season is upon us, advice on how to not make your accountant totally hate you.

4. Tips for budgeting that allow for actual fun and shopping, and don’t require you to budget down to the dollar.

5. How to understand finance bros and one-up your loser date.

6. Corporate America survival tips.

7. Nosey breakdowns on business news and celebrity finance headlines.

8. How I’d spend my money if I had an endless supply… because why not?

9. Stories of financial lessons I’ve learned and taught others.

Money is a very taboo topic that consumes my day-to-day. I am THE designated friend (and paid advisor) for financial decisions. I thought this would be a great place to share my insights on personal and business finances—and, of course, someone needs to tell the people how celebrity prenups work. I’m just here to talk shit and make it money-related, and teach you a few tips along the way.