love & dumb rich

step-by-step-guide to taking your spouse to the cleaners in divorce

Hey fam and welcome back to dumb rich — the love issue! With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, what better time to share all my insights on relationships… and the only thing better than love: cold hard cash.

What a week it’s been. The impending doom of tax season is upon me <3 I think the lead up to tax season is actually worse than the busy time itself. I try to see all of my close friends before I go into hibernation, so this weekend I was in Rhode Island. Stark contrast from Miami. The perfect place to actually relax and breathe some quality air outside the city. I was home in time to watch the Super Bowl, which is when I decided that I absolutely need a mortal enemy. I know I am tempting fate to put this out into the universe, because I don’t want any high maintenance enemies that will cause me actual stress, however, I can’t even fathom how unstoppable I’d be if I hated someone the way Kendrick loathes Drake. He really put on those little flared jeans and chose violence. Perhaps instead I look for a secret mortal enemy? I know this is the love issue, so I’ll end it there. But watch your back.

dumb rich academy: stop lying to yourself (and your partner!) about your finances

Money is obviously a major source of stress for many people, and that stress only multiplies in relationships. No two people are exactly alike—they often come from different financial backgrounds (more on how your family may have fucked you up at a later date) and have different priorities. Given all the stigma surrounding money, it’s incredibly vulnerable to share your full financial picture with your partner. People call this “getting financially naked.” I want to be clear that I very much hate that phrase, and this is the only time you'll see it here.

Before I dive into some granular options, I really want to emphasize that there’s no right or wrong way to approach this. It’s mostly about communication. I’m not a therapist (although, often, I feel like a financial therapist to my clients), but I do believe that a sensitive topic like this requires open communication and mutual respect. I find that goal-oriented conversations are often the best way to start. What do we want to do short-term? Take a vacation? What’s our budget for that? What do we want to do long-term? Move in together?

Note: If you live in NYC, you often have to hand over a list of every dollar you have, any debts, and your firstborn just to rent 500 square feet. There’s a simple way to rip the band-aid. Anyway, discussing what goals you’d like to accomplish—and your capacity to do so together—sets a positive tone for what can sometimes be difficult conversations.

I also think it’s important to divide up financial responsibilities within the relationship to avoid future conflict. For example, if one person is more interested in the admin, let them take the lead. Obviously, in my relationship, that’s me, because my husband (let’s call him Mr. Dumb Rich) is totally uninterested! I also suggest planning regular check-ins to track progress and confirm you’re on the same page. Make this a priority, and try not to make it feel totally miserable. Alright, that’s all the relationship advice I can handle for today.

Here are three options that I often find work for my clients based on their individual circumstances:

The Half-and-Half

Mr. Dumb Rich and I personally use this method. Despite my constant saying, “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine,” we use a hybrid method that combines the two later methods. I could’ve explained those first and then said, “Combo of the two,” but I prefer this method, so I want you to read it first. Here’s how I suggest it works:

• You determine your required monthly cash flow which includes housing, utilities, groceries, restaurants, travel, uber, shopping, etc.

• Each person maintains a separate checking account where they receive their paychecks. A predetermined amount is then deposited into a joint checking account where all joint bills are paid.

• To figure out the amount each spouse contributes, you’ll need to look at your individual financial situations. This is easy if both spouses are in similar financial positions, with similar incomes and debts. In that case, you can each contribute the same dollar amount to the joint account and move on. But, is life ever really that simple? Of course not. If one person has less income or is working on paying off debt, I suggest using the proportion of income method. For example, if Spouse 1 makes $100,000 and Spouse 2 makes $300,000, for a total income of $400,000, and they have $10,000 in monthly expenses, it would be fair for Spouse 1 to contribute 25% ($2,500) and Spouse 2 to contribute 75% ($7,500).

• Once the monthly contributions are made, the couple pays all joint expenses with those funds. Mr. Dumb Rich and I also have a joint credit card that we pay with the money we contribute to our joint account. We put everything on our joint credit card unless it’s strictly personal (like a gift). This helps us stay on track toward our joint goals. I will admit, there are many months where my spending exceeds his (I’m an angel, I swear), or he’ll go on a golf trip, etc. We have the mindset that it all works out in the wash, but I understand some people want their spending to be more 50/50.

• If not all of the funds from the monthly contributions are used, the excess rolls into future savings for months where you might be over budget.

• Using this method, you could also contribute to joint savings accounts for future joint goals (e.g., travel, a house, etc.), if your budget allows.

I know what I just explained sounds totally combined, so let’s move on to where you can hide the rest of your money:

• Each spouse contributes as much as possible to their individual retirement accounts to maximize tax benefits.

• Any funds not used for joint spending or goals go into an individual savings account—or, I suppose, could be your personal shopping fund. Chanel is an investment, right?

• Mr. Dumb Rich and I also kept the assets we brought into our marriage totally separate.

This method does have a few “ideal” circumstances. First, you have enough to contribute to your combined budget plus some leftover to allocate toward your individual account. I understand that’s a huge privilege in any stage of a relationship. Secondly, it requires both people to agree on what to contribute to the joint account and not harbor resentment if the monthly spending isn’t exactly 50/50. Overall, I find it to be the easiest to manage because there is a decent amount of transparency, but I still feel comfortable having my own money—which is important as an independent woman (until I need to kill a bug)!!!

Totally Separate
Just get divorced. (jk jk!!)

As people are marrying later in life, this method is becoming more popular. Many people are used to supporting themselves financially, and sharing that with someone else can feel uncomfortable. This scenario is exactly as described—each person manages their own finances in separate accounts and splits joint bills. Every decision is an individual one. I’ve found that many of my celebrity clients use this method to protect their assets, which is understandable. This also prevents you from being liable for their bad habits. For example, adding a spouse to your credit card can affect your credit score based on their spending habits (and vice versa), so keeping separate credit cards can help protect that. Now that I mention it, should we petition for credit scores to be listed on dating app profiles?

The main pro of this method is that it puts you in the driver’s seat. If your spouse is a big spender, this protects your funds. I’d also suggest keeping most things separate until you're actually married. From my perspective, for married couples, this method requires more admin and becomes incredibly difficult as your lives get more complicated (homeownership, kids, etc.). I also simply refuse to Venmo Mr. Dumb Rich for half of an Uber ride. It can also become tricky if the couple is splitting expenses 50/50, but their personal incomes vary. There can always be a conversation about one person picking up a little more than 50/50, but again, that requires open communication. To me, this method feels less team-oriented and lacks transparency, which I personally find to be a drawback.

Entirely Combined
I’m taking it all. (Again, jk jk!!)

While I think the separate method is more modern, the combined method is a bit dated. This originated when typically only one spouse worked, and that income funded the entire family’s expenses. In this case, all funds go into completely joint checking and savings accounts. I do find this method simple, but you need to be very aligned on how the money is spent. Resentment can grow if you’re using joint funds to pay for individual purchases, especially when one person is a “spender” and the other is a “saver.” Also, giving someone total access to your finances is a big deal, as I’m sure you work very hard for your money.

However, it keeps admin relatively simple, and teamwork and transparency are at an all-time high. You will also feel a great sense of teamwork as all funds are growing toward joint goals.

Overall, determining the method that works best for you depends on your current financial picture and how your goals line up with your partner’s. There’s also room to be flexible and change your mind! Regardless of what method you choose, I encourage you to be open with your partner and have conversations around money. It may surprise you! It really can bring couples closer when you’re open, honest, and excited for the future.

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dumb rich in the news
I’m a bit late, but we never really had the chance to debrief on the Grammy’s. Aside from singing my little heart out to Pink Pony Club, I was really impressed with Chappell Roan for using her platform to advocate for a livable wage and healthcare for new artists. Roan said in her speech, “If my label would have prioritized artists’ health, I could have been provided care by a company I was giving everything to.” Other celebrities heard her message and have also pledged to donate to this cause. I just have to mention that it’s no surprise they’re the best celebrities—sweet baby angel Noah Kahan and Charli XCX, aka Brat Summer, aka keeping me cool with the Gen Z kids.

So, like, how do entertainers get healthcare? Celebrities, they’re just like us. While there are unions for actors (SAG-AFTRA), musicians are kind of gig workers (lol). They have to go to the marketplace like the rest of the self-employed or unemployed people and get health insurance there. This is super costly and usually doesn’t have the best options. When artists get big, they have teams and start entities that they can run healthcare through to provide for a larger group.

But we’re not talking about the big artists here. We’re talking about the little ones we don’t even know about yet! This lack of basic needs could deter very talented non-nepo babies from entering this space. Understandably, new artists’ advances are smaller as labels are incurring risk and putting a lot of resources behind the artist. Being a celebrity (or an aspiring celebrity) is honestly really fucking expensive. Everyone gets a piece of what you make—managers, agents, lawyers, etc.—and there is pressure to present an aspirational lifestyle to your audience. I’ve seen it all and totally get why celebrities have mixed emotions! In this industry, especially, people need access to mental health resources. I’m excited to see where these pledges go.

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shit I want to buy - in my favorite colors (pink & red!)

Luggage // Flamingo Estate Chocolates // Sweater // Bruno Mars x Hello Kitty Pins // Bag Charms // Plates // Sweatshirt // Stationery // Candle // Blush // Shoes

We’re kind of down to the wire for Valentine’s Day and I’m honestly super behind. I’m not even sure what my plans are yet! I really want to go to Mr. Chow, but one of my friends told me it’s “big loser energy” to go to a pre-fixe dinner. Which I totally get. But Chow ranks supreme. We’ll see.

Anyway, this is more of a niche, personally curated wish list—but feel free to take inspiration from it if you’re willing to pay for expedited shipping. I have absolutely no business traveling with more than a carry-on, so of course I need this massive trunk suitcase. I sent my clients holiday gifts from Flamingo Estates after a referral from my very chic friend!! Everything they do is perfection.

I know we’re still new here, and I’m nervous about scaring you off, but my celebrity crush is Bruno Mars. THE SWAG. That said, the collaboration with Hello Kitty is my actual dream come true. I didn’t even know about it until my friend told me over the weekend. Purchasing everything ASAP. That same friend gifted me this Loewe candle that I’m completely obsessed with.

Rapid fire for the remaining items: Bag charms because duh. No chance Mr. Dumb Rich will approve of those plates but this will be a good test to see if he reads the entire newsletter. The stationery is super special because Dear Annabelle did a collaboration with Oketer Collection Hospitality. Mr. Dumb Rich and I stayed at a couple of their properties during our honeymoon and became obsessed. That is something I will for sure be ordering. The rest are self explanatory basic bitch staples!!

I hope you have the best Valentine’s Day!!! I had a few questions about Galentine’s, so I think we’ll have to do a friendship edition soon. Let me know what else you want to hear about xoxoxoxoxo